Olympia Mom and Unknown Son Reunite at PFLAG After 30 Years
by Paul Beeman
There were few dry eyes at the August 11 PFLAG picnic in Olympia, Washington, when new member JoAnne McNary and her long lost son told of their reunion. But she insists she wants her story known.
JoAnne was just 17 years old when through acquaintance rape she conceived a child. Unprepared for parenthood, she placed the baby for immediate adoption without ever holding him or knowing by whom he was adopted.
Thirty years later, last June, she received a phone call from a man near Los Angeles, California, who said, "Hi, Mom. I'm your son, Sam."
Shocked yet overjoyed, they talked and shared information about their present lives. But Sam finally confided, "I have to tell you one more thing about myself, I'm gay."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," JoAnne said, "I'm afraid that may have to end our relationship. I don't believe we can handle that in our family."
"But," she added "give me some time and space, and maybe call me back later." She did not even note his last name, address or phone number.
The next days were agony, as she repented of her judgment, reaffirmed her traditional openness, and declared her deep commitment to accept and love her long-lost son, whatever his orientation or so-called lifestyle.
Three weeks later he called back and while JoAnne promised total acceptance, she admitted ignorance of any knowledge of homosexuality. Sam had one more admission: that he is HIV positive, although in excellent health.
"How do I deal with all this?" she pleaded. Sam wisely advised her to learn all she can about being gay, and about HIV-AIDS. "And be sure you find a PFLAG and attend it," he added.
She did. JoAnne sought information from the Health Department and AIDS Task Force, but did not know where else to turn.
The next Sunday, surfing channels, she happened on PFLAG Olympia's Project Open Mind TV series. "All Out! Olympia" The program was the video. "Always My Kid," with testimonials by PFLAG parents, and including the local Helpline phone number.
She watched it spellbound. Then she called, and after a half-hour conversation she asked when she could take part. She was told that the next meeting would be in two weeks. "That's not soon enough," she said; "I want to do something now!"
"Well. we will be walking in the Seattle Gay Pride March next Sunday," she was told. Jumping at the chance, she said, "If can ride up to Seattle with you, I'll go!"
She not only went, she carried one side of the big "PFLAG Olympia" banner for the entire march. Her smile of pride and joy expressed her feelings.
Then on August 5, Sam flew to Seattle to meet his birth mother for the very first time. They spent a week touring the Northwest and getting acquainted, ending their tour back in Olympia for the annual PFLAG Picnic.
It was a proud moment when JoAnne and Sam strolled into the park together for the picnic, arm in arm, and she introduced him "to our new PFLAG Family."
In the sharing time, each told their side of the story Sam explained his decision at age 30 to locate his birth parents and his willingness to invest $5,000 for a professional search. JoAnne told of her marriage, husband, other children and of her absolute thrill at finding the son she never knew. "And thank God for PFLAG." she concluded.
©1996 Paul Beeman (reprinted with permission)