Mom Reflects on Daughter's Coming Out
by Joyce Kovell of Florida, Mother of Olympia PFLAG's Lorrie Kovell
My daughter asked me to write about my emotions around her coming out, an article which might prove useful to other parents just learning that their children are gay. When Lorrie came out, I was, on one level, completely shocked. Yet on another deeper level, I already knew before she called.
The two main ideas which gave me strength in those first few months were 1) that God does not give us more than we can handle; and 2) the song titled, "Life is a dance you learn as you go.
My daughter and I have always had a close relationship, both as parent-to-child, and as friends through the years. I believe this occurred because I was able to raise my children in an open and honest way, encouraging them to develop their own personalities, interests and life goals.
Further, I respect them as separate and complete individuals, not as carbon copies of me or their father.
The fact that my daughter is gay and my son straight does not change this belief. After reading a lot of information, I have accepted that one's sexual orientation is on a continuum. Since the beginning of human existence, there have always been many people along all parts of the continuum.
I admire my daughter's courage, openness, and honesty in letting all our family know she is gay. I am grateful the majority of them do not appear to have any problem accepting her.
It has been about three years since Lorrie came out to me. Her being gay has become just another adjective describing her, at least in my own mind.
I am still struggling with the issue of how to tell new and old acquaintances that I have a gay daughter.
Some would say it is enough that I accept her, and that it is not necessary to tell anyone else. However, I believe letting people know about our gay kids is the only way for people to learn tolerance.
Another struggle I have is that I personally don't like the word lesbian.
Dealing with these issues is next on my agenda for coming out as a proud parent of a gay child.
My wish for both my children is that they find loving partners so they can experience family life.
Gay or straight really does not matter.
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